Relationship Status- Fuc*ed Up


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The more you fall in love, the more you will realize that it is like a deep hole in which you are going to drown no matter how good of a swimmer you believe you are. I am not telling this because I have been ditched by girls, but I am saying this because I have been in many relationships, even in marriages and only God knows how much painful it was for me.
Let me give you small examples, maybe some of my words might resonate with what you have experienced already-
1. You are more interested in other girls, i can see it in your eyes. Maybe now you don't find me good enough
2. Initially you use to know exactly what i wanted, now its like i am just a burden
3. You use to love me but now you only love your family and your friends
4. Why did you even propose(before marriage)/marry me if you had to do this?
5. Look at husbands of my friends and family, all are well settled and much more responsible than you are, I don’t know when are you going to learn to take responsibility of your stuff
6. I cant live like this. You don’t care about me. I can't feel your love anymore
7. All of my friends have babies, I want one. But I am just waiting for you to get mature. I don’t know when it is going to happen
God, give me a break…..ahhhh….Fuck….
This is probably how you feel, at the end of these nags. Believe it or not, I don’t know about global statistical figures, but the women I have met in my life were 100% same, at some point or the other. You can say me a racist, a sexist, but it is what it is. I am not saying that I didn’t had good time with a girl or a women, I am not even saying that i didn’t loved the moments, the highs, i did. That was the only reason I went in for permanent relationships. I thought after a 4 years old relation, that I might consider myself eligible for stating that I know women…
But man….do I?
Well fuck it, I don’t even want to try anymore. I have had enough of this so called women psychology degree.
My name- Kabeer Dutt, my friends call me Kady, I am a divorced, well to be honest, 2 times divorced. I am a lawyer by profession and deal in real estate issues, in case you are thinking I deal with marriage issues. My parents, Mr Ambar Dutt, a retired high court lawyer and mom, Sarita Dutt, a gynecologist, don’t give a shit about me. Well to be truthful, they stopped talking to me completely after my first divorce. It felt bad initially but now, I actually enjoy my freedom. I have many friends but the real one, his name is Anand, I call him Andy, he is in cargo transport business and to be truthful, much happier than me. His relationship status is- still looking desperately to get screwed. And my Relationship status is- Fucked Up.
This story is about me, of course. I am not going to tell you story of anyone else here specially when mine is so complicated and spicy.
Let me start with my - First Encounter with my Enemy- My First wife- Ritika Desai


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Chapter 1

First Encounter

You know exactly how It happens, you all does know it very well. However, considering the minority population of those who are reading this and just entering their adulthood without any prior encounter with this infection known as Love at first sight, here how it happened with me.

I was at 12th standard, yes yes, I know, too early to start, but I was always a early bloomer kind of person. It was my first day at the school, I mean at class 12th. I was sitting on the last bench, like I use to sit since past several years considering the fact that it was the best place to sit if you actually want to do something good other than wasting all your time in listening to those pathetic lectures which aren’t going to make you Einstein. And by the way, who ever claimed that taking commerce is a way to a fancy career? So yes, coming back to the bench, I mean to the topic. I was sitting at the last bench with my mates Andy and Krish. Andy, I have already told you is Anand, and Krish came from Krishnakant Dubey, an already screwed up name by his parents that me and Andy had to help him to come up this fancy prototype named Krish. And only God knows how happy and thankful he was for his new Avatar.

“Andy, whats your plan for the weekend?” I asked

Andy who was trying to focus too hard on the mathematics homework gave me a look as if I have offended him by my question

“Dude, I am trying to work hard here. Respect my efforts. Kapil(our mathematics teacher) is going to throw me out of the class today for sure.” Andy responded

“How come you didn’t completed your homework Andy, you didn’t even came to the football match yesterday. You told me that you have to study mathematics?” Krish added

“I told you I was going to learn mathematics, I didn’t said I am going to do the homework. These are two different things. To learn mathematics my dad takes me to his cargo transport office where he makes me sit with him at the cash counter and do the addition and substation for the finances. According to him, that’s the real learning. I was with him when you called me, that’s why I said I was going to learn mathematics.” Andy replied

“Poor you. Why don’t you call Kady’s dad and ask him to sue your dad for child labour?” Krish suggested

“Seriously?” I asked winking at Krish

“Shut up you too. My life is already miserable. You guys are free bird. Free to do whatever you want. My destination is already decided. Home to transport shop.”

Everyone in the class stood up as soon as Kapil stepped inside the classroom. He was accompanied by our Principal.

“Good-morning sir,” the whole class wished them in chorus

“Good morning children. Please sit down.” Principle said while walking near the first benchers

Everyone followed the instructions

“Class, today I am going to introduce to your new classmate Miss Ritika Desai. Ritika, could you step inside please?” he said and called her

It was the moment when I glanced at one of the most beautiful girls in the whole campus. She was wearing the exact same dress as the other 26 girls in our class and 1432 girls in the entire senior wing (I know I sound like a pervert, but you know the time is changing and statistics is like one of my favorite subjects since very early childhood) but still I could clearly see how much different she was. Height perfect, clothes-perfect, lips-perfect, eyes-perfect, cheeks-perfect, and everything else, I guess would be perfect as well.

Principal continued “Ritika has moved from Canada as her parents recently shifted to India. She has been in an entire different school culture and she might need your help to get adjusted to our culture. So I want you all to be friends with her and help her in whatever manner you could to make her comfortable.

“You bet I will,” I murmured

“Where is Canada, in USA?” Andy asked

Both me and Krish looked at him in surprise

“This happens when your destination is 5 kilometers away from your home and you don’t plan to even go and explore somewhere else,” Krish nagged in disgust

“Shut up, he will listen,” Andy said to both of us indicating that principle was still in the class

“You can take any seat you want Ritika,” Kapil said to her in sugary voice

Then principle left leaving us with beautiful Ritika and torturous Mathematics, a very strange combination to be honest.

40 minutes passed like ages. After the class got over, I decided to go and introduce myself to her. I was a bit nervous.

As I stepped forward I saw that everyone in the class gathered around her. Specially the girls in the class and some of the looser boys as well.

I already felt like a looser myself.

“No point bro,” Andy said keeping his hand on my shoulder

“Why?” I asked

“Look at her. She is beautiful, rich for sure as principal himself introduced her to the class. Her father must be well connected. And look at you, you are still living on our pocket money while your dad is busy suing other people. Your only favorite subject is statistics which alone is not going to make your career blossom. You spend most of your time with us, I mean, I am not saying that we are a bad company, but man you don’t have any experience with girls.”

“You made it sound worse,” I cried

“Shut and don’t listen to this looser Andy. Look at her, and look at you. You are made for each other. Just wait for these stupid people to introduce themselves to her. There is no point on being a part of the crowd. Just wait for dust to settle and then enter into the scene.” Krish said to boost my confidence

“You sound so much like my inner-self bro,” I admired him

I decided to wait

Minutes passed

Hours passed

Days passed

Weeks passed

1 month passed

3 months passed

I was still waiting for dust to settle...

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The Beauty and the Priest

Life sucks many times, admit it, I know you know everyone knows, it does sucks. And the worst part is, we cannot do anything about it. Some old monk said “never wait until the end to avoid letting it end by itself”, that monk would be me by the way. Of-course this is my story so why would I quote someone else?
Ok coming back to the point. Why I am saying all this is because it had been more than 3 months now and I haven’t spoken a thing to the beautiful Ritika Desai. Reason is simple- “I am afraid of …” wait a second, what?
Seriously? Am I really scared of rejection?
It cant be me for sure, it definitely cannot be me
But what can I do? She is already in talks amongst the school hunks whom at-least I don’t want to mess with.
Well this is the real problem with these so called low life fancy schools of todays world. Thats the sole reason India is not progressing. Because in schools, instead of dudes like me, getting good girls like her, we have to spend our energy making plans to get to a stupid friendship proposal.
Because beautiful girls are mostly stupid enough not to see the real deal and go and chit chat with whatever scrap is on their way.

Well, I had to do something to initiate the talks, and only “WHAT” and “HOW” are the two things I need to figure out before I could go on a date with her. Simple right?
Then, this so called useless friend of mine named Andy suggested one of the brilliant ideas ever came across their mind till date and that is….well let me portray it to you-

“Man, listening to you was the worst thing I have ever done to myself,” I cursed Krish
“I stopped you going to her at that very moment, but you are waiting for like eternity now. I am not stopping you, but it is you who is stopping yourself,” he responded
“Well, I agree with Krish. If you want I can help you?” Andy asked
Both me and Krish looked at him
“What? Why are giving me stares?” he asked surprised
“You tell me. You have all my attention. Tell me how can you help?” I asked sarcastically
“The thing is, sometimes it is good to have a dad who is well connected in his business,” he said and paused
“What do you mean?” I asked confused
“Well, I am sure you might not know this but it happened to be the case that Mr Desai, I mean Ritika’s father is planing to set up his transport business here in India. Back in Canada, he use to be one of the well established importers of rice and pulses. But due to his mother’s deteriorating health who, good for you, wants to die here in India, her motherland. This made her son’s family shift here.”
“And how would you know all this?” Krish asked suspiciously
“Because my father is the president of transporter association. And any new applicant has to come and see him personally. So does he, and lucky for you that I was with my dad at that time. Hence while having tea he mentioned about him being in Canada earlier, how he had to move here, how his daughter got admission in our school. And…”
“And what?” I asked
“And how much he was happy to know that I am studying in her class. He wanted me to be friends with her and visit them in their house sometime,” he said and winked
There was pause. Time taken to absorb the new information.
After a while
“You asshole,” I said smiling wickedly
“Bro this is great, I mean you, who would believe that you would be our key to Miss Desai,” Krish said surprised
“What do you mean,” Andy asked pissed
“Nothing, don’t worry about him. Man, you are the man, the saviour.” I bowed
“Well, well, now here is the time we need to set some boundaries,” Andy said authoritatively
“What boundaries?” I asked
“I need a proper respect and kindness from you two. And of course 200 bucks to introduce you to her,” he said
“You mean you already talked to her?” I asked surprised
“Did I forgot to tell you that she accompanied her father when he paid a visit?” he said and smiled
“No way….” Krish shouted
“Seriously?” I asked surprised
Andy just nodded with confidence
“Deal,” I declared
“Good for you. Ok then listen. I was thinking about this. I can defiantly introduce you to her anytime you want. But what would be good is if you meet her somewhere more personal. Like this, your first impression would be different than other school guys? What do you say?”
“It sounds good to me,”
“But what according to you will be a personal introduction?” Krish asked
“I was thinking about temple?” Andy replied
“And how and when she is going to come to temple?” I interrupted
“Her dad mentioned that they go to Ganesha temple in Banaswadi every Wednesday for morning aarti,”
“And why he mentioned that?” I asked
“Because my dad was suggesting him places to visit considering that they are new in town. At that time he said that they go to this temple every Wednesday.”
“So we can do one thing, let us plan this coming Wednesday to attend the  aarti and try to make you meet your love by being your saarthi (guide),” Andy asked and winked
“Sounds good to me. Thanks man,” I said humbly
“No problem brother. But just don’t forget my 200 bucks,” he said and laughed
“I won’t.”

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The Beauty and the Priest continued…

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One thing I hate

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Fast Forward

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Unpredictability Sucks

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When your mother is a superman

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The Undocumented Survival Guide

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No once cares

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The marriage bomb

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The cucumber shell

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Moving forward

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Turning point

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Nothing but love

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Night, you may say it

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The day that never happened

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The Unquestionable

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The Achievement

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Law Education

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Love is not easy

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Love is crazy

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A wrong plan turned right

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